Holy Geez.

I really should go back and read 1 Peter about 10 times. And I'll probably write it out and put it on my wall or something just so I can have it to remember everyday. Last night I was looking forward to the summer, well the breaks, and all that they would hold. Tomorrow all of the counselors will arrive. I'm thoroughly frightened. I've spent the last few hours praying to myself. I'm trying so hard to.. try hard, I guess. Most of you know I'm not exactly girly, as they say. I have even discussed with my closest friend, wondering why God made me a girl.. but I guess it's because of my intense attraction to guys. Ha! But I just have such a hard time being around lots of girls. I guess I'm just not comfortable, I don't know.

And I know what you're thinking: If you don't get along well with girls then why did you apply to work at an all-girl camp? And trust me, I struggled with it constantly. But after much prayer I really felt that it would be good to get away from guys, and again: Ha!. Then I figured if I wasn't supposed to be here then they wouldn't accept me. And here I am. So there you go.

But I'm struggling.. A lot. I need prayer like whoa. I know that God is bigger than my hesitation and separation and the differences I have with girls, but it's such a struggle for me. All the girl talk and the excitement and the gossip, oh! the gossip. It's just not.. my cup of tea, per se. But I'm trying hard and really trying to at least.. i don't know.. smile. Talk. Listen. Without telling my whole life's story. I guess I'm just so used to guys who walk to talk about music and movies and cars and sports. And I don't mean boy bands and chick flicks and their boys.. but real, genuine, heart-felt music and good movies like Gladiator and by cars, you know I mean trucks. But I'm trying. Not to change myself, but to work with the girls. I guess to see things they way they see them. To grow in my relationship with Christ in the process. It's going to be a long summer. But I know it will be over soon and I'll be back in my comfort zone with a new outlook on life, God, and (hopefully) girls.

I miss you all and think about you SO much! It's amazing to me how you miss people that you never thought you would. Or at least surprising. PLEASE write, call, text, e-mail, anything. I love to hear from you!

Still no good verses but Joshua is over now and I'm on to Judges, I will let you know as soon as I find something good. Someone else's turn on the computer. Goodnight.